I Am Who I Am
Just a few years ago it seemed liked my life was deeper than hell itself. My kids disowned me, my husband left me, and I had become a one hit wonder in less than ten years leaving my parent's house. My problem wasn’t addiction it was fame. When I was little my daddy always told me I had the voice of an angel, but mama said I needed more than good looks and a sweet voice to get me out of those woods. I should have listen to mama, but I was a daddy’s girl and I trusted what he said. I mean I was the fore front of our church choir, and winning the school’s talent shows was always a piece of cake, and so I thought surely mama was wrong.
By the age of 17 I made it big and I don’t mean just making it out of those woods big, but I had made it to Hollywood. Where I’m from, people thought if you made it to Hollywood, than you can make it anywhere. And all that hard work had finally paid off, because I received my first big check, and was living the life.
Life was good and nobody could tell me nothing, my head was filled with too many things the world offered me and not much of anything else.
Well, by the age of 26 I had a husband, two kids, and I was left for broke.
|photo credit: brian zahnd|
During the last five years of my life, I felt like death was literally knocking at my door. When I meet my husband, he was an honest man who knew how to take care of his family, but over the years I had called this man every name, but a child of God that I had literally ran him away. He stuck by my side most of time though, during those years, but I know he was miserable...I know I was. By the time I reached 30, I guess he had taken all that he could take and so had my children.
When my husband left me it did something to me. I knew I had not been the best mother and wife. That fame took over my life and I was living in the world. I had lost all the values I learned growing up in my parent’s house.
The day my husband left me, it’s like a light came on in my heart and I began to hear my mama's voice over and over again saying “I needed more than good looks and singing to get me out of the woods.” I know now exactly what she was talking about.
Well, as I was going to bible study one night I heard a soft voice telling me “it’s okay and I am who I am.” I immediately began to shout and praise God like I saw my aunt’s and grandmother do back when I was a little girl. As I continue to praise and shout more, that soft voice said “ the spirit of the Lord is upon you and you are heal, because of your belief and most importantly your faith. I felt like God was telling me he heard me, when I really thought he wasn’t listening after the divorce from my husband, and the abandonment from my kids. But he said it was at those times child when I was with you the most, because I wrapped you up and held you close.
I lived in the world once upon a time in my life. What the world offered me was short lived, but what God offers is always there. It took so much time to rebuild what I destroyed for my kids, but time help heal the open wounds.
I’m still living my life, but I’m living for what God can offer, not the world.