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The first thing I did was turn everything over to God and His plan. I knew that He loved me and had a plan for my life and that He only wanted the best for me, so I put my trust in Him. I faced my own mortality, and though I had a lot to live for including a new grandson, I was not afraid to die. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I knew He had become a man and paid a debt for my sins by dying on the cross, that He had risen from the grave, and that I was assured of eternal life in heaven. So whether I lived or died, it was going to be okay. This helped me release much of my fear.
Praying for God's plan...
Thank you for my cancer - You are in control and you do love me. You know what is best for me and my loved ones. You have a plan. Help me to trust in you and be part of your plan.
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Thank you for the opportunity to be a mother ( and the awesome responsibility that is). Thank you for being there in the midst of my many short-comings. Use my cancer to help me teach Randall about you and to be a Godly influence in the lives of my stepchildren and grand-kids and husband and aunt and mom and sister and her family and friends and everyone I meet.
Thank you for using cancer as a teacher for me - to slow me down and put me in touch with you. Help me see cancer as a teacher and adventure to learn from and then go on. Bless my husband my son and my supportive family and friends as they go through this adventure with me. Make us strong through our weakness and our dependence on you.
Thank you for your many blessings. They are too numerous to count. Help me to bury the ghosts of sins past, which you have forgiven and forgotten. And help me to see and confess my daily sins, so I can better mirror Christ's love and be used more mightily by you.
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James 1:2-3: Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing this, that the testing of your faith worketh patience.
Little Did I Know
A year ago, when I was fervently praying for God to give me patience to deal with an especially difficult fifth grade class, that my answer would come through a recurrence of breast cancer. My class of 35 ten and eleven-year olds went through chemotherapy with me during the winter and spring, and I saw a loving, caring attitude emerge even in the students who had been the worst discipline problems. My emotions ran the gauntlet from fear to joy during this time. I remember the day my class convinced me to take off my hat so they could see my bald head. Their response was Oh you look neat - just like an alien!
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It made no sense to me to be joyful in the midst of trials; maybe when trials were over, but not in the middle of them. My experience with cancer has brought me the joy of knowing my children and grandchildren are praying for me; and, it has brought me closer to God, my husband, and my Christian friends through Bible study and prayers.
Has also brought many wonderful new friend into my life through the Spiritual Wellness cancer support group. Bethel, and Bible Study Fellowship. It has taught me to enjoy each day to appreciate beauty, health, and love more fully; it has given me more empathy for others going through trials; and my cancer has given me patience to endure many medical procedure and to wait on the Lord for His answer to our prayers for a physical healing. In the meantime, the spiritual healing that is taking place is pure joy and I am delighting in the time I have to be a loving Nina to grandchildren and now that I've retired. I have much for which to be joyful!
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