Many Marriages Would Be Better if the Husband and the Wife Clearly Understood that they are on the Same Side


Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood they are on the same side.  Or if you could understand that you are one and that being on the same side makes you stronger when bad mishaps come into your lives.  But when you are arguing,  that's hard to imagine.

Especially, these days.  Dealing with financial issues, managing stress, or trying to be a good parent can literally take some of us out.  I mean let's face it, life does that to us sometimes.  But, I want you to understand that even though life can give us the blues we don't have to be in that mindset.  The environment we create for ourselves will overflow to your spouse.  So, if you create positive vibes in your life, it has not choice than to overflow to your spouse.  When you tell yourself you are not going to let the small things mess your family up, then your spouse begins to develop that same mentality.  Whatever you do rubs off on the other person.

And if you say, you are not responsible for how the other person feels in the marriage, then you are wrong.  You are responsible.  When you first got together you took on that responsibility without your spouse having to tell you and the same holds true when things start getting rocking now.  

Sometimes, to just sit back and think on the things my husband and I fought about makes me cry and laugh all in the same breath.  It makes me cry, because I see how we have matured and grown in the past 13 years.  It makes me laugh, because I feel stupid sometimes, that I allowed him to make me that upset.  But it's good.  I know every trial we go through is building us for better.  When I think about how my husband and I have lasted for 13 years and how my mom and dad didn't last past my fourth birthday, it helps me to hold on to our future.

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And that's what you should do from time to time.  Think about how much you two have grown and reflect on the bad times, so you can appreciate what you have now.  I promise you it will put a lot of childish arguing and useless bickering in it's place.

One way to deal with big issues in your marriage is to not let them control you.  Don't let them separate your love that you have for him.  Talk to one another.  It's probably not cool to talk to the other person when your upset, but after you have taken a walk, a shower, or even a nap try to address the issue that you are having or that the other person may have.

Sometimes, this still doesn't fix the issue.  Trust me I know.  I can stay mad at my spouse a whole week are more.  And it has happen (lol).  But showing your spouse that you care and you're at least trying should at least lighten the atmosphere for the time being. If it doesn't lighten the atmosphere, because sometimes it won't just give it some time.  I mean hey, your spouse can't stay mad at you forever right.  When I start talking about the bills and how much is due a pay period, that get's him on some right then.  But then after we work the bills out, he turns back on the silent treatment.  It's cool, at least I know he is not really upset with me right?!

Live Laugh Love, It's that Simple
Who's the Beauty and Who's the Beast in your Marriage?
I think I am little bit of both!

There are good and bad times in marriages.  That's just the way how things roll.  No need to fight, argue, or give your spouse the silent treatment.  Instead be patient.  This too shall pass.  Know that you have been through worse, so forgive and move on.

Everyday may not be beautiful, but everyday will have something for you to love  about that person.  Who is your spouse right!

When you start to feel that you have to walk on eggshells talk about it.  Hear one another out and remember you don't have to have the last word, well maybe sometimes, lol.  The storm of anger will pass you over, but wait patiently and know that you belong together.

Being Submissive
Dear Wives,
It is very important to remember our role in our marriage.  God set us up to attract as opposites.  I know as a wife it is sometimes hard to be submissive to your husband, especially when the conversation goes south, but remember the word of God...

It says your Godly lives will speak to them better than any words.  They will be won over by watching your pure Godly behavior.  And don't let anyone tell you different, because what God has joined will stay joined forever and ever. Amen!


Source: Something Turquoise
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I have had many issues in my marriage,
but one issue that was a struggle for my husband and I to get pass was HOLIDAYS.  I can openly admit this, because of our imperfections.  The first few years of every holiday was bad.  We argued, gave one another the silent treatment afterwards. and of course there was no love.  But, as I think back on where we were and where we are today I thank God.  Those trials turned into our testimonies.

These days are much better.  I encourage those who are struggling to try to start creating some good memories.  The change started with me.  I read once, that the wife controls the atmosphere in her home.  So, I was happy on purpose, I loved on purpose, I gave on purpose, and I prayed a whole lot.  Even when I didn't feel like doing all those things, I did them anyway.
Ann Swindell Dating Your Spouse, No Excuses

One of the most precious things
I did for myself was take the focus off of me and instead place it on my husband.  He is not worth the
arguing, bitterness, and resentment. I love him a lot more than all that other stuff and I want him to know I appreciate him.

Husband and Wives
Are going to disagree on things.  That’s because you both have an opinion.  You are going to deal with financial issues, but that doesn’t mean the financial problem(s) will break you two up.  There are also going to be times in your marriage, when the other person may feel more stress than the other.  However, just remember one of you will have to be the stronger person and take control.  My husband and I have argued in the past, dealt with money problems, and stressed out about things that were beyond our control, but we have learned and are still learning that this is all a part of life.  You have to remember that you two are a team!  And you are on the same team.  There is no I or me, but a we.  Remember that when your team-mate gets sick and they can’t play on the field, you have to nurse them back to health.  Is this going to be a challenge
?  Yes!  But God will never put more on you than you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).   

How To Balance Being the Man At Work and the Husband At Home
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Incredible Hulk is incredibly strong, he's powerful, and he literally can do anything.  I'm sure like me, many of you love the Hulk in your husband, but sometimes I have to wonder has Hulk taken over his body?  Like is he literally controlling him to be the insensitive guy I'm speaking to right now?

It's weird, but guys in general are weird.

Wives, when your husband starts acting abnormal, ti's time we bring him back into reality.  No matter how tough they are on the outside, they still need you to help bring that good stuff on the inside to reflect on the outside.

Just some side notes
#My man gives me blues
#But when I look in his eyes He melts the Problems away
#I love his toughness, but I can only handle so much

Most men who can masterfully deal with conflict at work say they do not know how to handle their marital problems.  Which means once your wife starts yelling at you for something you didn’t do, you tune her out and give up trying to find a resolution to the problem.  But, if you give us the same attention you give to your jobs, then maybe most of the marital problems will go away.

Three things that you can do at work that can also be used to deal with your wife at home is to listen, plan, and take action.  

Lets just say if your boss was to give you a problem at work and he asks you to figure it out.  Same thing happens in a marriage.  Your wife tells you about her problem and the first thing you should do is listen, next you should try to help her plan a solution, and take action so that you two can end on a positive note.  Taking action may not be what your wife wants to always hear from you, but I promise you if she sees that you care, it will make her feel better.

What Works For Me Will Not Work For My Spouse

It does not take much to sweep a girl off her feet!  However, sometimes the husband needs to be reminded of that.  I think they forget things like that when you get married.  And if your husband can't afford to wine and dine you like before then a home cook dinner will do, a flower from the yard will be okay, and playing your wedding song will definitely set the mood.  Remember husband happy wife, happy life.

Most men and women think if something works for me, it will work for my spouse  But that is not right all of the time.  Love is what brought you two together, but it will not keep you two together.  To better understand what works for your spouse you must first understand what makes them happy. 

It may be you making dinner, buying a gift, taking them to their favorite restaurant, giving them extra time with you, cooking their favorite meal, going to go see their favorite band, taking them on a shopping spree, taking a trip to spend some time together, buying them art, treating her to a day at the spa, sending flowers, buying jewelry, cleaning the house, letting him hang out with his boys, or going on a date with just the two of you or with some friends.

Sending a boutique of flowers to your wife may not mean that much to you and may seem like a waste of money.  But to your wife it means the world.    For a husband, working late might be your way of saying to your wife I love you and I want to take care of you, but to your wife it might mean you don’t care about the relationship. 

Not Spending Time with Your Spouse can be a Major Problem 
Have you argued lately with your spouse?  I had a married couple to recently tell me they don't argue...I'm thinking how can that be?  But, there is a difference between arguments and disagreements.  In your marriage there will be times when you have a little bit of both.  This couple learned that it's better to have an opinion than to force their opinion on the other person.  I'm sure you love your spouse so much that words or gifts could never express the kind of love you have him/her.  However, don't let an argument ruin what you have.  Especially, a silly argument at that like you're mad, because they didn't put something away off the kitchen counter.  Trust me it happens.  It has definitely happen in my household.  When you two get home from work, don't bring work problems home or if your sister has a problem, don't make her issues yours.  Yes, it works both ways.  Try to find a stress reliever, because you're spouse isn't it.  Ain't it funny that once you get back on speaking times, that you usually forget what you were originally arguing about.  That should make you feel that in a way arguing is really pointless.

Most couples don’t’ have a lot of time to spend together.  They are busy working, being a house mom/dad, working in their church, or sometimes working two or more jobs.  But did you know this is one of the number one reasons marriages end.  There is always someone in the marriage who feels neglected.  And for the most part it is not done on purpose in a marriage.  That is just the way how things are.  If you have struggled with this, then know you are the not the only who has battled with this issue.  Many marriages have.

That’s why you absolutely have to make time for your spouse.  Studies say most marriages that dissolve begin to unravel in the very first year.  You must not underestimate the important of spending time at home with your wife.  Time together is proof that you care.  The wedding ring is not enough evidence of your commitment.  You must show one another love every day of your lives that you have together.  Life is too short.  

To make time for one another be ready to compromise.  I’m not saying you have to stop hanging out with your friends forever, but it’s your job to make one another happy. 

Be Quick to Listen and Slow To Speak
Most people think in a marriage, that married couples are not suppose to argue and if they do they feel arguments can’t be good for the marriage.  But that is wrong.  Arguing is healthy in the marriage.  You should be quick to listen and slow to speak to find out what the problem is. 
 
If you two always agreed with one another on everything, imagine how boring life would be.  Disagreements happen even in the best of marriages.  
Just remember to go into the argument slow.  Avoid accusations.  Share why you are upset in a loving way.  Let your spouse know this is coming from a loving place.  If you clash, don’t panic.  Take a few breaths and let your spouse know you want to solve the issue.  Avoid contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and emotional withdrawal.  Shake your head to acknowledge you hear what the other person is saying.   Within the first five seconds you may already know what the solution  to the problem is, but just let the other person get out what they have to say.  Offer a suggestion to the problem.  
Arguments or conflicts can help you learn more about your husband or wife.  They will make you a better person.  Working through your arguments will help when this situation comes up again.

Ways to Please Your Husband or Wife
I read somewhere that people treat strangers better than they do their loved ones.  And if you treat someone well, they will think more highly of you and treat you better in return.  Did you know you can apply that same principle to your spouse?
Open the door for you wife every chance you get.  Place a Hershey’s Kiss on her pillow at night.  Wives sit down and have a one on one conversation with your husband.  Give him a back massage. 

Wives want the Romantic Experience & Husbands Want S[=X

Having sexually relations with your spouse is not the ultimate thing to solve your problems.  However I will tell you that wives love the romantic experience and men just want it.  You both need to decide what you want from it.  It’s not a job, a chore, or task.  It should be fulfilling, loving, and satisfying for both of you.  

Dress For The Occasion
Husband if you work a dirty job, clean yourself before loving on your wife.  Keep your beard trim if she doesn't like it that way.  Don’t wear your favorite clothing with the holes in it, if you two are going to hang out. 

Wives I think the biggest complaint from our husband is our weight and hair.  Most of the time the weight is added to us, because of kids and stress.  Husbands need to be more sensitive to these things, but they usually are not.  I would suggest trying a little diet and exercise if this is a problem in your marriage.  It is very hard to get back to the weight you were before having kids, but it is possible.  Ask your husband for support.  

Husbands you can always support your wife by treating her to the beauty shop and getting her nails done.  We love those things!

Ever Wonder If Other Married Couples Go Through What You Do In Your Marriage
It's true...We all do.  Here's some advice to get you through the good and bad times.
First, there will be good times, I mean really, really good times.
You will need to forgive over and over again.
Becoming parents together will grow you like nothing else.
There will be days you want to run really FAR-AWAY.
Embrace intimacy it is a gift from God and it is beautiful.  Sometimes it will be the only thing that holds you together.  Also, know there will be bad times, I mean really, really bad times.
Advice from www.togetherwithfamily.com

Remember, every marriage is different, but we are all wonderfully flawed.

Getting Free Time 
Do you ever have an opportunity to get free time for yourself?  I'm talking about no kids calling your name, no husband asking have you paid the bills, and most of your day to day tasks have been done?

If not, it's time you start making time for yourself.  They say the man is the head of the house, however without his wife a lot of stuff would get delayed.  Now, don't get me wrong our husbands are the best.  I absolutely and love and respect mines, but I need my time for myself so I can regroup to be the best for him and our family.

From this moment forward tell yourself you're going to make time!  So, you ask how do you do that?  Well, let's see...This is what I do personally for myself
I have a movie and lunch date with myself all the time, I shop, I cook just for me, I go home when I know nobody is there, I do things to feed my soul, and I love putting the children to bed at night at 8 o'clock to duck off to another part of our home away from my husband to meditate.

See, it's not that hard.  We are super in everything we do, but even the Hero takes a break sometimes.  And don't feel bad wife for taking a break, because your husband secretly does this all the time.  Mommy time is important, but so is you time.

My Advice
Before most arguments, I think of Christ.  Early in the morning when I am the first to get up I thank Christ.  Low points in my marriage I ask Christ for strengthen.  When times are good, I see your glory Christ.  I can't move, talk, or think right towards my husband without the love from Jesus Christ.

Now that it's okay if your marriage is not perfect and give yourself credit for what you do to contribute. 

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